‘Everyone Communicates, Few Connect,’ Book Review For MLM

Hi Rachel, Here is a positive/negative story of one of my communication skills blunders.

I learnt something from this!

Many years ago when I was a raw recruit to network marketing I was given a lead to somebody who would be interested in my business. I called them and made an appointment to see them and explain our business.

We (my wife and myself) arrived at the house at the appointed time to find the children running around playing and screaming, the television on, but not being watched and the prospect (suspect) saying to us ” I don't have to do this, do I”. He was unemployed at the time.

These days that scenario would start the alarm bells ringing, but we made the appointment and I was going to show the plan, regardless.

I put up my whiteboard (as close to the unwatched television as possible) and proceeded with the presentation. It was very hard work, trying to get this couple to talk about their dreams and goals, to the response of ” I don't have to do this do I”.

The room was chaos, one child was playing with a hoola hoop in front of me, one was hanging upside down from her father and there was a budgerigar flying around. I was just about to launch into the higher bonus structure, when the budgie landed on my wife's head and faced me. Was he interested in the bonus and going diamond!! I didn't care, I closed the meeting and after some small talk, we left, hurriedly. Laughing all way home.

I learned some lessons from that encounter.
1. If you go into someone's home to do a presentation, you do not have control of the environment. I could have asked him to switch off the TV, but not to remove his children (or Budgie) from the room.

2. I needed to qualify prospects, before I do a presentation.

3. They (the prospect) need to know that our meeting is to see a genuine business opportuninity and not a social get together.

We still laugh about the budgie incident, but that night we both learned something.

Hope this incident illustrates how not to communicate effectively.

Yours in Success.

Tony Fleming

Wow that's a real cracker! Thanks for sharing – there is a lot of value in that story

Rachel,

My long slow journey of communication concluded with the understanding that being an aggressive listener was the best medicine to beat away my need to talk and to be heard. So…

Communication ultimately, supersedes all other skills required to develop your position in the world. Hard work will get you so far, a wonderful attitude will take you further, however, the power to communicate will take you all the way. Fact.

Strange really how communication is the last skill we focus on when launching ourselves on an ill-prepared world at the start of our MLM business. When I started my new business I was like a kid with a new toy, I could not stop talking about the products, the plan and the fulfilment of all my dreams to anyone who stood near enough to hear my ranting on, and on.

Time and pain pushed me to take a hard look at the carnage that lay about me, the beaten prospects, the worn out team members and utter lack of success. Finally, I stood back from the mess I was in and thought something had to change. Of course, I didn't for one minute think “I” had to change, I was hoping it was going to be everything that was up for change.

I concluded, wrongly, being an ace presenter would solve everything so I embarked upon being a stud in that area only to find it had very little impact towards my success levels.

Harder and harder work surely would get me to where I wanted to go, but alas no, harder work just took me deeper into despair and further from my goals. What chance glory for me if it is not for hard work, and enough enthusiasm to fill a stadium?

The solution came in an interesting form in 2008, I moved to Tokyo Japan and found to my surprise I was the only English speaker (if felt that way). Communication suddenly became the focus of my day, my world, my survival. I became a wonderful listener, engaging in conversations I normally would have walked away from and began to really enjoy the 'art' of communication.

Being a great talker is half the skill set, being an interesting and enthusiastic listener is the half most of us need to work on the most. This was true for me, and no doubt true for you.

Two years in Japan has taught me to take my time and respect each conversation, to listen when spoken to and to think about what is being said. I'll probably never stop butting in and adding drama to every story I tell, but for now at least, I am a first class listener!

Russell Cooper
(Somewhere in Tokyo, listening)

Hello Rachael,

I love the look of the Book “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect” – it look like a good read.

I have been on the other side of the fence – I was the Mum with kids screaming around and trying to run a home based business when we had a business Man try present his business plan to us.
It was so NOT pretty

I was trying to listen to him with one ear, and listen to the boys with the other….at the same time cook dinner (it was getting late by then) and have a business phone call that had been scheduled for sometime going in one of our other rooms of the house.

I am not sure how the presenter could stand the nose, and the constant “I'm so sorry, I will be back in a moment” the whole time…..needless to say I did not totally understand his sales pitch, and he was fried by the time he left – trying to go over his plan too many times.

Another time we had friends over to spill their business plan BUT they had joined the company only a week before trying their sales pitch and they had no idea what they were talking about. They got confused, and made so many obvious mistakes that we began to feel bad for them…..and no – this time there was no screaming kids in the background because they were all watching a DVD and getting ready for bed…..again we did not join our friends company.

I learnt my hard lessions from both occassions – NOT to have a business meeting at home with my boys around
To leave the phone off the hook, and to have a business meeting no where near dinner time.

I still for bad for our for first business meeting at home, I will never forget the look on that guys face when he left, and he never would take any of my phone calls !!!

Thanks for such a great article
Cheers
Lisa Wood

Hi Rachel,

It looks as if you have had your hair cut in your video? But you are not ready to show us

Wow this book sounds just what I need. So many times I have had that blank look when I have been trying to explain something. I have felt that barrier many times.

I have had very similar situations as Tony in the early years of my NM.

One such occasion was when I travelled 30 miles to show the plan to a very good friend of mine. His wife was so not interested!!! She decided to vacuum the house there and then. Making as much noise as possible. Banging the doors staying as near as possible. She must of done the carpet in the next room several times. Guess what, he did not go for it.

To your Success

Adrian Reddish

Thanks for sharing your experience Russell. Learning to listen takes such discipline and I too have to bite my tongue much of the time and be a conscious listener. I'm getting better but have a long way to go!

Thanks for you post Lisa. There is a lot to learn from this. In the first experience it looks like the communication was poor on the part of the guy who invited you to review. What a different outcome, or at least more enjoyable meeting it would have been if he had the communication skills to explain exactly what he needed from you ie; full attention and 1 hour of your time etc.

In the second well I guess they could certainly do with reading the book!

Hi Adrian
Yes the video reveals my new look

Re. your experience there is a common theme running on some of the comments which is showing the outcome of poor communciation in the set up of a meeting. It's the same with any type of invitation, the set up is so important.

His wife would have made the poor guy's life hell anyway I guess if he'd joined!

Hi Rachel,
Wow, it's very interesting. I would love to read the book.

Patrick Ricarte

Hi Rachel,
You've got some great stories going already here! I have never really done the whole presentation thing throughout my network marketing years, but I have learned how to communicate much clearer.
I've been very guilty of not communicating what I expected from team members. I thought that if I carried them, trained them, boosted them, motivated them, etc, then surely they would do their part. There was probably a little desperation there…not so great. I soon found out that those types of people would never become what they wanted, or I needed, as long as I didn't communicate clearly what was necessary for their success, (and my sanity).
I could have avoided many headaches had I focused on communicating with the right people, in the right manner. I can assure you that I learned from my mistakes and I'm clear from the very beginning; making for a much more productive and successful team!

Hey Rachel This is a great idea. What I have learnt about communication throughout my time as a network marketer is that it is important to listen actively and to ask appropriate questions. Too often we dont interact effectively with the person we speak to because we are so busy with our own agenda (whether to make a sale or gain a new recruit). By Actively listening to people can help you to determine if they are serious, suitable, interested or not.
I would love to read the book by John Maxwell as I too like you am an avid reader.

All the best and keep up with this fantastic blog.

Colette Morris aka workfmhomeDiva

Hi, Rachel. I think that one of my biggest problems of communication is that I have a tendency to miss non-verbal cues, especially if it is someone who I have just met. There have been times when I have come home from a presentation convinced that someone is going to sign up, or convinced that I have them, but then they back out before I get a chance to get in the door. (Many times it is a case of the “not returning phone calls” rather than having the guts to say that they aren't interested.)

Also, because I'm not a very expressive person, I think that there are times when what I say gets misinterpreted, especially if I am trying for a joke because I have a deadpan style that can be too deadpan for some people. Learning how to deal with these issues will help me greatly.

Hi Patrick
Long time no speak! I hope you are well.

Hi, Rachel.

Communication. I think it was a major breakthrough when I realized that contrary to what my uplines and the company video said, not everyone would “get it” and the products didn't sell themselves. As wonderful as I thought they were, my views were not universally held by the majority of people I spoke with about my “opportunity”.

Next major breakthrough came when I realized that – except in rare instances – I couldn't sell the products either, because people don't really want to be sold on something they pay a premium for. They either want it or they don't. The problem is, sometimes they want it, but they have values or considerations that stand in the way. Or sometimes, they're just married!

The key was… communication. And most of it needed to come from them. What I needed to do was to ask the appropriate questions at the right time, dropping them like breadcrumbs, and then shutting up in between to LISTEN, till the prospect comes to that inevitable fork in the road and either sells themselves, or doesn't.

That doesn't mean that if they don't immediately fall down for me at the decision point that the communication is over. No… if you've connected with them by HEARING what they have to say, then there are really only a few things that can keep them from joining you. And if you're professional, you know pretty much what to say. But the only way you get to that “absolutely positively without a doubt” answer is by connecting with them and hearing what it is that grabbed them initially.

Maxwell knows this area well, and the new book looks intriguing.

Hi Rachel,
Great post and I have to say I love John C Maxwell's work – his 'Your Road Map for Success' is one of my favourite reads and really was instrumental in my developement within changing my mindset.

In regards to communicating, I have to say I have always felt it is one of my strongest skills and just love the art of conversing….not talking but conversing. But there is a difference when conversing on a 1-2-1 basis or to a group, as well as conversing socially and for business.

As such I have messed up many a times by not watching my body language when presenting, or practising enough so that I am unprepared and thus communicating the wrong image/message. I had one incident when I was presenting to my church and because I was unprepared for the projector not working I read from my notes…and I mean read…face down! When I started there were 10 in the room, when I looked up there were 6! LOL!

The importance of communicating on all levels and to all people is so important, and it is something I actively take the time to learn!

All the best,
Lavinia

Hi Rachel. I love this post because it's such an important subject not just for MLM but for life in general.

In our profession especially, learning to connect is what separates the leaders from the rest. This is where I now devote most of my coaching time with new team members.

In response to your earlier question: Absolutely, guilty as charged!

When I first got started in MLM it was all ME ME ME and Money Money Money. I didn't ask the right questions and I certainly didn't listen (except to my own voice).

One time 5 years ago springs to mind, when I'd arranged a meeting with a 'hot prospect' in (funnily enough) Ipswich. I'd taken time off, driven there, took her out for dinner, and explained all the way through how if she worked with me she could make SO much money. I told her how much SHE could make, how much I was making, and I told her how much the top leaders in the company were making. At the end of it all I said 'so, what do you think' and she replied 'sorry, it's not for me, money doesn't interest me at all'.

Doh!!!

A whole day wasted I thought at the time! In fact I did learn from it so it has saved me lots of money since. I realised I had to get much better if I was going to be a success.

Now when I speak to someone it's ALL about them, not me. I offer as much value as I can without expecting anything in return and with no pitches. When I do show someone my business it will be when I've peeled back a few layers, found out what THEY value, and made them understand how working with me in MLM could help them achieve something of value to them.

These days people ask me to join, not the other way around. As the great man once said, 'don't wish it were easier, wish you were better'

Still got lots to learn though, and I guess I always will have!

Best regards,

Mark

Thanks to all of you for your stories and comments. I really enjoyed reading them as did I'm sure our blog readers. The contest is now closed. The 5 lucky winners will be announced on Wednesday in my ezine so make sure you're signed up for that (via the blog) as I'll need to get your address if you're one of them

Hi Rachel!

Thanks for inviting me back to your Blog…it's so nice seeing you again.

I always 'write my personality' into my Blog entries & I always write in a fashion like I am talking to my reader 1 on 1 in a very personal way.

Have a highly inspired day…your tribal friend Steven Suchar