DO YOU JUDGE YOURSELF HARSHLY? (HIGH ACHIEVER SERIES)

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Podcast Transcript

Hello, this is Rachel, bringing you this week’s Transformation Conversation podcast and the next in the new high achievers series. This week I wanted to talk a little bit about how we judge ourselves. This is something that high achieving or would-be high achievers get tangled up in knots with, with self-judgement, and sometimes I think if we were as kind to ourselves as we are to others in our life, other people that we love, what a different experience we would have. If we were as mean to our friends as we are to ourselves, we wouldn’t have any friends! It really can be that harsh, the self-judgement.

Do a little experiment, if you want, this week, and just notice how harsh you might be on yourself; would you treat someone else like that? Because we don’t need to be harsh on ourselves like that – we don’t need to have this ferocious judgement about how poorly we ‘re doing or how wrong we are. And some of things that I see, some of the things that I hear my clients saying, to do with feeling very lazy, they often – even though they are getting a lot of stuff done, it’s never enough. There’s this constant monologue playing about what they still need to do, how lazy they are, and how it’s just never going to be enough.

I was the same way. This is one of my habitual patterns that I have had throughout my life where I am just constantly on this treadmill of getting things done. That’s why this understanding has really helped me to see that being productive is nothing to do with time and it’s nothing to do with judging ourselves and having a constant monologue about how wrong we are. That really gets in the way of effortless productivity.

Another thing I see a lot with clients is feelings of guilt coming up. Never feeling good enough. It’s never enough, there’s always something that we could have done better or they could have done better, and again it’s judgment. It’s this very harsh judgement of, ‘It’s my fault. Why did I do that? I should have done it a different way.’ The pattern here is that it’s always living in this make-believe world; this illusion of reality’s never good enough, we should have changed things, we should have done things in a different way, and then when we feel guilty we’ve got no clarity because we are just worrying and feeling stressed about what we haven’t done, or what we should have done, or what we could have done differently, and that really doesn’t serve us in any way at all except to have us feeling depressed and confused.

The great news is that we construct our self-image with our thoughts. This is the revolutionary understanding that is such a game changer when you really see it. We are continuously constructing our personalities and our self-image with the thoughts that we take seriously, and when we decide that we’re – when we believe our thoughts, when we believe every thought that come into our head, and some of them are negative, we can quickly build this construct of ourselves that is very damning, and so we have this view of our self that’s not real, it’s completely thought created and can change at any moment because our thoughts are always changing, but we can hang on in this habitual thinking to something that’s quite damaging for us. This idea of who we are and how we’re not good enough.

And then, once we’ve created that, we judge it. So, I don’t know if you hear in this how insane this is. We make up a construct of who we are, and how we are not good enough or we’re lazy, or we are guilty about something or whatever it is that we’re doing, and then we judge ourselves as if it’s real. I spent most of my life judging myself very harshly and feeling really guilty about things I’d done or not done, and it was just a vicious cycle that I couldn’t escape, because I didn’t see the truth, I didn’t see how I was manufacturing all of that guilt. I was putting myself in a position where I just could never win with that thought system.

So, we are going to have thoughts that we don’t like, and that’s okay, but we don’t need to take them seriously. We don’t need to take them out for dinner, and wine and dine them, and have them stay with us for life. We can release them, we can just let them pass through and know that they’re not real. See them for the illusion they are. They mean nothing about our worth, because our worth is something that is untouchable. It is not something that is diluted or affected by a random thought we have of what we should have done or what we could have done differently. When we see that we’re making it all up anyway, it just starts to disappear. It starts to dissolve and we see that our self-worth can never be touched. It’s intact all the time inside of us, and judging an illusory self is just a waste of time, and it’s also painful.

So, judging ourselves harshly doesn’t serve us in any way, and it is a common pattern with high achievers. I hope this has helped you see something new today, and be sure to come over to www.rachelhenke.com if you would like to be notified of more of these podcasts, and I shall speak to you again soon. Thank you.

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