IS YOUR ADDICTION TO LOVE GETTING IN THE WAY OF YOUR PRODUCTIVITY?

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Podcast Transcript

Hello. This is Rachel bringing you the latest transformation conversation. Got something a little bit different for you this week. We’re going to talk about the topic of being addicted to love and how that might be getting in the way of your work and productivity. The thing with addiction to love is that we may not even realise we’re in it when we’re in it, and the reason I’m talking about this is because I see there’s a very clear correlation between how much we get done and how clear our mind is. When our mind is full of thinking about what’s going on with our partner or loved one or whoever it is that we think needs to be behaving in a certain way so that we can feel okay, our mind isn’t free to be creative, and we’re not very productive as a result. I’ve seen this a lot in my clients, in people that are very focused, high-achieving, driven, want to get stuff done, but suddenly something happens in their personal life, and they just cannot get beyond it.

It’s like, they’re stuck in this whirlwind of thought that feels really, really solid, and looks like they’re never going to be the same again. I want to talk about that today. I don’t think it’s something that entrepreneurs talk about very much. People tend to talk a lot in business about strategies, tactics, how to get more stuff done, so this is deeper than that. This is really about when you’re in that place of suffering, what I’ve seen about helping you get through that. Being addicted to love doesn’t sound very attractive, does it? It doesn’t sound very appealing, and you can apply this addiction podcast to any other area of your life where you feel things may be spinning out of control. Addiction to anyone or anything makes you feel like a victim of circumstance. On the love topic, we can often have very romantic ideas about love that are pure fantasy, which is wonderful until we get addicted to that fantasy and it doesn’t play out the way that we want. That’s where we start to really suffer.

Particularly with women, I see this a lot, because we’ve been raised on fairytales, and even though you’d think that we’d know better, many of us still have a fantasy that we’re going to be saved by a prince, or a white knight riding in and just taking care of us. That can be the same for men. Men can think that they’re going to be saved, saved from themselves, and the problem with that is that you can’t be saved from yourself. No one else can help you feel whole and loved. You are already whole and loved. In fact, you are love, until you take yourself away from that and think that your self-worth isn’t there, and that you’re not okay unless somebody else loves you in the way that you’ve decided that they should. When you find yourself spinning in addictive thoughts about what somebody’s doing, a partner, a lover, whoever it is, then know that it’s normal. That happens to us humans a lot. I’m seeing this more and more with my clients, and as a business coach, it’s something that I really never talked about much with people before.

It’s been very fascinating for me to see how it can take over somebody’s life completely, and that’s the power of the mind. If you’re finding yourself in some kind of relationship or situation where you’re checking your phone every minute to see if there’s a message for you from this person, you’re becoming really reactive and addicted to what happens next and what they say. It’s because you’ve fallen into this illusion that your well-being is only available to you when this other person does what you think they should do. It’s a really painful place to be. How can you be clear-headed and productive when you can’t think straight? The good news that I’ve got for you on this is that it really is just your thinking. It really is just an illusion of thought, a mind trick that you can’t have peace of mind, you can’t have happiness without this person doing whatever it is you think they need to be doing, loving you, responding to you, paying attention to you, thinking that you’re the best lover they ever had, or whatever it is that you’re thinking, wanting them to marry you, right? This is a biggie as well.

That’s the good news, but the bad news is that thinking is a really powerful force. It’s as powerful as nuclear energy, so when you’re in it, it feels real. You’re really experiencing it. It’s like being in your own movie, and when your thoughts are taking you into this place of despondence, and sadness, and thinking about what you’re losing, then it can feel difficult to get yourself out of that. I’m not offering you a prescription here, but I’m offering you what I’ve seen has really worked for my clients, and whatever areas you’re in, it doesn’t have to be love. Wherever you’ve got a lot of thinking, and you’re spinning in your thinking. It might be about your business. It might be that you’re addicted, you have addictive thoughts about money. Where is the money coming from? Where is the next client coming from? It’s a similar pattern. It takes you over. What I’ve seen about this that can be really helpful for you is that, first of all, see it for what it is. It’s not real.

Certain things are happening, but your thinking about them is completely, 100% made up by you. When you really just start to see that, the problem that you think you’re having, the experience that you’re having, becomes less solid, less frightening, even if it’s just a little bit of light round the edges of it. Let it have its way with you. You’ll see that thought can’t kill you. It’s okay for you to feel bad for a while. It’s human. It’s normal. You don’t have to keep trying to fix it, and reacting, and this is where people get themselves into really, really big trouble. They react so quickly because they’re in that illusion of their painful, dangerous thinking that they then take action that they usually wouldn’t take when they have a clear, calm mind. That’s how wars start, right? That’s how divorces happen, very quickly, because people are reacting without thinking, or they are thinking but they’re not thinking clearly. They’re thinking really toxic, dangerous thoughts.

Let it have its way with you. Let it pass through you. It’s like a storm. It won’t last forever, and the more you see that your thinking is just having its way with you, it’s an illusion of what’s really going on, the more settled your thinking will become. It will have its way. I’m not saying you won’t feel hurt, abandoned, bad for a while, and it all depends on the situation. I don’t know your personal situation, but I guarantee you that at some point you will have a fresh thought if you let your mind settle enough, and don’t run off with the whole thinking illusion as if that’s really what’s happening. Let it pass through you. Notice it for what it is, and know that we’re all okay, no matter who loves us, no matter who you want to love you, or respond to you in a certain way. It’s great if they do, but you don’t have to have that to be okay. That’s just your thinking about what you need, and your self-esteem, and your self-worth and value are intact within you all the time, unless you take yourself away from that by thinking that someone else needs to validate you for you to be okay.

If you are finding it hard to think about how you can carry on after this person, and you think you’ve had your heart broken or whatever it is, then think back to before you were with them, before you felt like that. The odds are, you can remember that you were actually perfectly fine, and you will be fine again. Whether you are with them or not with them, you are fine. You will be fine again. You’ll have a fresh thought, and the more you see that you’re okay in the moment, even when you’re feeling feelings that are coming from your manic thinking, the quicker that will settle down for you. You’ll start to feel more grounded and clear again. I know this is a really personal topic, and if you want to reach out to me for a chat about your own personal situation, I’d love to speak with you, so you can find me at www.rachelhenke.com, and there’s a contact on there. Okay. I’ll speak to you again soon. Thank you.

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